Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
