she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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