is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
