I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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