When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You took a bar mat shot.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
