No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
