Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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