When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
