My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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