Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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