If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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