I will die if light touches me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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