from now on my penis is your penis
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
