Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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