new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
