the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
