I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
