I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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