Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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