best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
