no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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