4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
