ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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