Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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