There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im holly from the hills drunk
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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