so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
