My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
