I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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