im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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