Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
