I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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