watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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