it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
