Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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