Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is the high leading the old right now
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
