I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
