you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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