Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
