Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
