dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
