Your dad touched me again.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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