Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
