Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
