hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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