y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
