So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
