And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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