jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
