I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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