She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
