She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
