so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
